Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
