Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
