dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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