I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
