My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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