you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
