Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Houston, we have a blender
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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