I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
