Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
