Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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