Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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