I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
