uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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