roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
