Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
