hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
