i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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