How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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