Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
