I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
