I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
