I want to walk on stilts...naked
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
