I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
