the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
