yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
