i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
