he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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