I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
