so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
