i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
