Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
