Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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