you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
