You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
