the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
