I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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