Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Randomize
