and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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