There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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