I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Damn victory sex feels great
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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