This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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