One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I didn't notice because vodka
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize