Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
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