I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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