The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
