He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
All I want is dick and wine.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
