He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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