Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize