...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize