imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
