i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
