Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize