I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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