There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
