Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
