i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
