i don't plan on having that self control this summer
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
