Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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