I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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