You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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