Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize