I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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