I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
